


What Is (And Always Will Be)

by irisbleufic



Series: Meant to Be Here [6]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alcohol, Asexuality Spectrum, Attempted Seduction, Banter, Bickering, Bisexuality, Body Worship, But That's Okay Because Dirk Is Too, Cuddling & Snuggling, Demisexuality, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, Extra Scene, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Humor, Idiots in Love, Jewish Character, Kissing, M/M, Meddling, Naked Cuddling, Neurodiversity, Outtakes, Post-Coital Cuddling, Post-Credits Scene, Public Display of Affection, Relationship Negotiation, Seduction, Sex Is Fun, Tactile, Todd Really Loves the Way Dirk Looks in Certain Articles of Clothing, Todd's So Thirsty It's Funny, Touch-Starved, Wedding Night, cats are assholes, sex is funny, tipsiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-28 22:15:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15716163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irisbleufic/pseuds/irisbleufic
Summary: Jaws chirped and dashed out of the kitchenette just as Todd finished tying his belt. She snagged the hem of his robe and climbed, dead-weight at intervals, until Todd could stick the bulb in his sole remaining empty pocket and sling her over his shoulder. Jaws hung there, purring.“Baby girl,” he whispered into her fur, horrified at how contagious Dirk’s epithets had proved. “Wanna help me find something? I probably lost it, and Dirk will never forgive me.”Mrrr, Jaws trilled, which was her standard response to anything out of Todd’s mouth.“Yeah, okay,” Todd sighed, offloading her on his desk once they’d reached it. “Thought not.”





	1. Better, Calmer

Todd had no idea why Amanda chose to close the evening with Mexican Funeral’s greatest hits, especially when several of their guests were already gone. Surely an immediate switch-over when Dirk had told her to play whatever she wanted would’ve made sense.

“I still can’t believe this is you,” said Dirk, eyes hazy with the after-effects of two cups of punch he’d drunk post-spiking with Martin’s whiskey. “S’like listening to your British accent. Which is terrible, by the way, but I _do_ love it. I definitely meant that.”

Seated in the grass with Dirk’s head in his lap, Todd couldn’t think of a more peaceful way to wind down. Bart and Ken had slipped off shortly after the dancing had started, and four of the Rowdy 3’s six had gone hunting. Todd ran his fingers through Dirk’s hair.

“As sexy as you looked in this shirt,” Todd said, trailing his fingers from Dirk’s forehead down the side of his face, not stopping until he’d reached the zipper at Dirk’s neckline, “you could’ve said you hated it, and I still would’ve forgiven you.”

“As sexy as I _looked_?” Dirk echoed, eyebrows comically pinched. “Excuse you, but I paired it with the blue jacket because I know you can’t take your eyes off me when I’m wearing either one. I hoped the two in combination might prove irresistible.”

Todd leaned forward until his shadow, lengthening in the lantern-light, fell across Dirk’s features. He undid the stiff vintage zipper, dipping his index and middle fingers beneath.

“I’d strip you out of them if there weren’t still six people here, one of whom is my kid sister.”

Dirk’s breath hitched, both hands coming up to aid the progress of Todd’s beneath his shirt.

“Yes, but one of those six is currently a chair,” Dirk reasoned. “I don’t think she would mind.”

Tempted by the hitch in Dirk’s breath, Todd thumbed the nearest nipple and felt Dirk twitch.

“Dirk, I’m not gonna lie,” he breathed, stroking his way across to the opposite side. “You’re—”

“Gross!” Amanda yelled, killing the music. “Newlywed PDA at twelve o’clock! Time to go!”

“No fair!” Dirk protested, sitting up as Todd yanked his hand free. “Honeymooners’ privilege!”

“Ain’t a honeymoon unless you’re on the beach or in a swanky hotel,” Tina slurred, dragging a mostly-sober Farah over to where they sat. “Bedtime for you guys.”

“Not in the traditional sense,” Dirk sniffed, re-zipping his shirt beneath Tina’s leering scrutiny.

“Lydia, we’re leaving in five!” Farah shouted over her shoulder, and then glanced down at Todd. “You better get this out of your system before the next case. I am _not_ gonna cover your butts while you fool around.”

Todd got up and offered Dirk a hand, helping him rise. “Did you hear what the boss said?”

“Yes,” said Dirk, regarding Farah petulantly, “but I reserve the right to kisses in near-death situations. Every time I think about our missed opportunities, I want to scream.”

“You’ll be doin’ that pret _ty_ soon,” Tina reassured him, making finger guns at Todd.

“Cut it out,” Lydia said, cutting between Farah and Tina, opening her arms to whichever of them decided to accept the hug first. “Congrats. I forgive you for the bridge.”

“You’d bloody well better,” Dirk said, hugging her tightly, wrangling Todd into the embrace.

Todd patted Lydia’s shoulder, mostly squashed against Dirk’s side. “Thanks for this,” he said.

Patiently, Lydia disentangled herself from Dirk’s over-enthusiastic clutches. “Don’t sweat it.”

Todd stood quietly while Dirk waved and waved at the three of them until they vanished into the house. He was vaguely concerned that the front door had been open ever since Bart and Ken had arrived late, but he also knew that their dead-end street was yuppified as fuck.

Amanda snapped Dirk’s laptop shut and brought it over to them, followed by a scurrying Beast.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she said sternly, placing the computer in Dirk’s hands. “Not that I think you guys get anywhere _close_.”

“Nosy,” Dirk said tetchily, clutching the machine to his chest. “We know what we’re about.”

“Hey,” said Todd, extending his hand to Beast. “Thanks for being such a kick-ass caterer.”

“Drummer’s Brother welcome,” Beast agreed, shaking it. “Make more happy Bibbit cuddles.”

“I’m _so_ glad that’s what you thought we were doing,” Dirk said, offering her a smile.

Beast waved them off with a snarling giggle. “Drummer’s Brother make sleepy Bibbit, make—

“ _Good_ night, Amanda,” Dirk cut in before Todd felt the need to defend his honor, hugging her stiffly. “Er, same,” he added, curtly patting Beast’s head. “Off you get.”

“We’ll hang out here till the guys get back,” Amanda said. “We can totally climb the fence.”

Todd took Dirk’s hand and tugged him toward the house, tired of playing host. He heard the second set of trailing footsteps only once he and Dirk had started up the back stairs.

“Keep walking,” Dirk urged, pushing at Todd’s backside. “It’s just Mona. She wants a word.”

“Nothing like before!” Mona promised, dashing past them to the top so she could hold the door.

Once inside the living-room-slash-office, Mona whisked past them and vanished for as long as it took them to turn on the lights. She reappeared without warning, tapping Todd on the shoulder.

“Front door’s locked,” she said quietly, eyeing Dirk as he went around lowering the blinds. “I wanted to ask, since the spare rooms are nobody’s now that Farah and Tina are gone…”

“You can have whichever one you please,” Dirk said, striding over to join them. “And I feel it would be only proper to reinstate you as my Assistant, seeing as Todd’s made Partner.”

“Part-time,” Mona countered, smiling apologetically. “I won’t be around as much as you think.”

Todd felt oddly touched by the implications of her statement, as if it meant he’d earned her trust.

“We’ll pay you what we can manage,” he promised, looking to Dirk. “Maybe a per-case basis?”

“Don’t be absurd,” said Dirk, dismissively. “I’ll speak to Farah and Lydia about a retainer.”

“Since when is Lydia one of our investors?” Todd asked, baffled. “Did I miss something?”

“Since she paid that eccentric woman to marry us, Todd,” Dirk sighed. “Do try to keep up.”

“I’m going back out,” Mona said, taking step after slow backward step toward the kitchen.

Todd shivered at her disappearance once she’d shuffled out of view, no footfalls evident.

Never one to waste time, Dirk edged into Todd’s space and kissed the surprise out of him.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Dirk murmured, nuzzling his way from Todd’s mouth to his ear.

Todd didn’t hesitate to push impatiently at Dirk’s jacket until Dirk got his drift and shed it.

“Are things better now?” he asked, untucking Dirk’s shirt with no attempt at grace. “Calmer?”

“The latter, I wouldn't count on,” Dirk admitted with rueful humor, methodically picking the knot out of Todd’s half-assed loose black tie, “but the former? Oh, _infinitely_.”

“Would you want calmer?” Todd challenged, working his fingers teasingly along Dirk’s waist.

“Calm enough that I don’t have to worry about us dying all the time,” Dirk huffed, getting so fed-up with Todd’s buttons that he impatiently popped the last three. “ _Oh_. Oops.”

It hadn’t occurred to Todd that people actually did the whole ripping-stitches thing. Still, it was enough to push him from lazy arousal to a raging hard-on in several seconds flat.

“Nobody’s ever done that to me,” he said, rucking up Dirk’s shirt in an artless hurry. “Fuck.”

Dirk obliged him and pulled it the rest of the way off, immediately shoving Todd’s down his shoulders like its continued presence offended him. He sucked in a tremulous breath when Todd set both palms on his chest and mapped the pale, pleasing breadth of it.

“Nobody’s ever touched me the way you do, by which I mean—” he closed his eyes, voice faltering as Todd repeated what he’d done earlier “—with care, or…desire, or love.”

“Well, I’m happy to break it to those asshats in your past,” Todd said. “You deserve all three.”

“Upstairs,” Dirk said, his eyes flying open, curling his hands around Todd’s. “Let’s not…here.”

“You're not into christening every room in the place now that we can?” Todd asked, nudging him toward the silent hall. “Never mind, I guess we already hit up the sofa.”

“Not like _this_ ,” Dirk protested, dragging him up the mid-hall stairs so swiftly they almost tripped. “I only get one wedding night, and I’m not going to let you lower the tone.”

“Like you need any help with that,” Todd griped, hitting the light switch as Dirk dragged him into the bedroom. “You’ve been in a hurry since Amanda called us out.”

Dirk turned down the covers, abruptly no-nonsense, and unbuttoned his jeans with a glare at Todd. Those rare flashes of temper rendered his sweetness all the more precious.

“Come here,” he ordered, struggling out of his bottom layers before climbing onto the bed, “and sit down.” He scooted back against the wall, stuffing pillows behind him as he went, radiating prissy displeasure in response to Todd’s badly-contained laughter. “No, wait—take those off.”

Todd unbuttoned his jeans, watching the flicker of Dirk’s eyes as he took his time with the zip.

“Tina got one thing right,” Dirk said, unabashedly goading. “You’re hardly Freddie Mercury.”

“That’s a really bad comparison even on a good day,” Todd replied, peeling out of his jeans, kicking them on the floor. He pulled his socks off one after the other. “What about yours?”

“What about my what?” Dirk asked, and then followed the line of Todd’s sight to his purple-covered toes. “Oh, for the love of—whatever, brilliant, rub it in. I was distracted!”

Totally naked and not even slightly ashamed, Todd crawled up from the foot of the bed and knelt between Dirk’s ankles. He held Dirk’s gaze while he slowly tugged the socks off for him.

“That shouldn’t be hot,” Dirk blurted, making grabby hands at Todd. “ _Why_ was that hot?”

“Because somehow everything I do without clothes is hot?” Todd asked, finally taking pity, crawling the rest of the way. He let Dirk tug him forward by the hips.

“Not true,” said Dirk, softly, but he didn’t sound convinced as he guided Todd to straddle his lap. “I can think of a few things that aren’t— _oh_ ,” he moaned, jerking into the contact.

Todd licked into Dirk’s mouth, kissing Dirk until he clutched at Todd’s thighs painfully tight.

“I want to try again,” Dirk whispered, every muscle taut as Todd stroked his chest. “I want—”

“No,” Todd said, nuzzling Dirk’s cheek. “You said it was too much. You’re really tense.”

Dirk let go of Todd’s thigh, wrapping his hand around both of them with thrilling ease.

“Todd, it’s not fair,” he huffed, half in pleasure, half in distress as he stroked them. “You, just— _taking it_ , like you do, all the time, and here I can’t even seem to—”

“Okay, first of all, you call me riding you _fucking you_ all the time, so let’s get this idea out of your head that you’re cheating me out of—I don’t know, what?”

Making an uncoordinated grab for the lube on their bedside table, Dirk succeeded in knocking it on the floor. He wrapped his arms around Todd and released a stuttering breath against Todd’s collarbone, sounding close to tears.

“Getting to feel what I feel,” he said plaintively, “because you are absolutely _amazing_.”

“Dirk,” Todd sighed, cradling his head there, rocking into him until Dirk’s labored exhalations more resembled the ones that let Todd know he was getting close. “Do you want me to get…”

“Yes,” Dirk said, mouthing contrite kisses up the side of Todd’s neck. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

Todd nudged Dirk’s hip until he let go enough for Todd to climb off him and find the travel-size bottle on the floor. After that, it was easy to coax Dirk to lie on his side while Todd slicked them both, lingering over the job until Dirk snapped the bottle shut and wrenched it out of his hand.

“Let me do this for you,” Dirk begged, the twist of his hand nothing short of heaven. “Please.”

Todd felt his urge to form a clear response unravel, unable to focus on anything but Dirk’s touch.

“Next time,” he panted, pulling Dirk closer, until it was too difficult to keep their hands moving.

Dirk rolled Todd sharply to the side, drawing Todd’s right knee up tight against his left hip.

“As long as I’m not boring, as long as I’m not— _fuck_ , not fulfilling my own careless—”

“Do I _look_ bored?” Todd gasped, clinging as Dirk slammed him into the mattress.

The sounds Dirk made when he was beyond the pale were usually enough to make Todd lose it. Instead, finding restraint, he bit tenderly at Dirk’s neck and ran gentle fingers down his spine.

If it took Dirk longer than usual to collect himself post-orgasm, Todd wasn’t about to mention it. Especially not when the result was Dirk’s perfect, infuriating mouth sucking him dry.

They lay in a sated sprawl for a while afterward, Dirk’s head resting heavy on Todd’s stomach.

“I quite enjoyed being loud,” Dirk concluded at length, apropos of nothing. “It’s cathartic.”

“You mean louder than usual?” Todd asked, too flushed with adoration to muster sarcasm.

Dirk pinched him in the side, lazily pressing a kiss against Todd’s hip. “That’s uncalled for.”

An unnervingly sudden barrage of shuffling and scratching at the door resolved into a series of indignant yowls. Jaws didn’t tend to throw a fit until morning, which…

“We forgot to feed her this evening,” Todd realized, rubbing the back of Dirk’s neck. “Not it.”

“You’re a terrible father,” accused Dirk, groaning as he got up. “ _Shhh_ , sweetheart…”

Todd stared at the ceiling until Dirk returned from the kitchen. He’d scrubbed himself off, and he did the same to Todd with a damp paper towel before climbing back into bed.

“You have more endearments for the cat than for me,” Todd said, snuggling into Dirk’s chest.

“I don’t call just anyone _darling_ ,” said Dirk, quietly. “I’ll call you something else if—”

“Dirk, don’t you dare,” Todd sighed, drowsily smothering himself against Dirk’s warm skin.

“You say my name like it’s endearment enough,” said Dirk, content. “Like it always will be.”


	2. Glow Sticks

Todd knew an inane thing to lose sleep over when he muddled across one, but it was no use. 

Dirk had just trembled awake, as if dreaming, and pressed into Todd’s belly hard as anything.

Might as well ask, Todd thought bravely, especially since this was gearing up to be round two.

“Do you…” Todd swallowed, reassuring Dirk with a gentle nudge that he was paying attention to the heat between his legs. “Do you remember what happened the night of the concert?”

“I did this,” Dirk whispered. He kissed the corner of Todd’s mouth chastely, but the lingering press and slight parting of lips belied longing that sparked the remainder of Todd’s hazy memory alight. “And then I kissed here—” Dirk dragged his mouth up Todd’s jaw, breathing warmly against Todd’s earlobe “—and told you that I love you more than reason, more than detective-ing, more than really good pancakes—more than _life_.”

Todd took that as an excuse to kiss Dirk until he whined and squirmed, not that he needed one.

“I said I loved you, too,” he murmured, pinning Dirk on his back, shoving his thigh between Dirk’s. “It's like I was totally stunned. Elated, but I didn’t even know what to do.”

“Well, I’m glad you know what to do _now_ ,” Dirk whined, rubbing against Todd with intent. “I said I’d give you something, a token so you’d remember, and I did. Although—and this is _hilarious_ —I didn’t even remember myself until I saw those, those stupid glowy tubes around your neck by daylight. It was disorienting, and I was _really_ cross.”

“Yeah, you were pretty pissy that morning,” Todd agreed, rutting into him at the pace Dirk had set. “I thought maybe it was the awful coat.”

“No,” Dirk pouted. “I felt like pinning you against the nearest desk, licking that awful blue _whatever_ right off you, and ripping off your clothes.”

“You get to rip off my clothes all the time now,” Todd said, holding Dirk’s hands above his head. “You get to lick me anywhere you want.”

“ _Todd_ ,” Dirk sighed, head tipped back in breathtaking abandon, “I would’ve given it up if we’d…”

At that, Todd felt a spike of arousal so overwhelming he briefly mistook it for onset of an attack.

“If we’d what,” Todd prompted, kissing Dirk’s neck until Dirk twisted, shaking, and clung to him.

“If we’d been alone!” Dirk wailed. “There wasn’t anything overly sexual going on, just the—the kissing and bum-grabbing, according to Bart.”

“What were you doing in her cell, anyway?” Todd panted, jerking his hips pointedly into Dirk’s.

Dirk whimpered and clawed at the backs of Todd’s hands, coming hot and slick between them.

“Fussing over how I feel about you. She— _oh_ , that’s so lovely, you’re so lovely, Todd, _Todd_ —missed Ken an awful lot, I figured she’d relate.”

Too turned-on to even think, Todd released Dirk’s hands and lifted up on his knees. He straddled Dirk, jerking himself off to the sight of Dirk’s heaving chest and soft, besotted eyes.

“Fuck, _fuck_ , I wish,” he moaned, tipping forward at the feel of Dirk’s encouraging hands against his hips. “Wish—we could’ve been, _oh_ my God, yeah—doing this the whole time.”

“You’re so messy this far gone,” Dirk murmured, kissing Todd’s jaw. “Such a wreck. Did it.”

Todd gave himself one last stroke and let Dirk’s sure, unfairly talented fingers do the rest.

“Guess the sofa wasn’t our real first kiss,” he mumbled after a while, mercifully exhausted.

“Maybe not,” Dirk agreed, pressing their foreheads together, “but it’s the one that counted.”


	3. My Light

Todd usually envied Dirk his sound slumber, but, on a night like this, it was a blessing to watch him. Amanda would know the right words for it, the ones from Hebrew school he’d memorized and forgotten to get through his early terror of performance. _Berakah_ , there.

Tranquil, face half-hidden in his pillow, Dirk finally looked like he was down for the count.

Still listless, unable to sleep, Todd kissed Dirk’s shoulder and climbed carefully out of bed. He snagged the ever-bulb off their nightstand, trying to hide its brightness on his way out.

A token, Dirk had called the glow sticks. Fading twin sparks so that Todd would remember.

Todd grabbed his bathrobe on his way downstairs. Not that he thought he’d need the brass knuckles concealed in its pocket, but clingy cats and bare skin rarely meshed well.

Jaws chirped and dashed out of the kitchenette just as Todd finished tying his belt. She snagged the hem of his robe and climbed, dead-weight at intervals, until Todd could stick the bulb in his sole remaining empty pocket and sling her over his shoulder. Jaws hung there, purring.

“Baby girl,” he whispered into her fur, horrified at how contagious Dirk’s epithets had proved. “Wanna help me find something? I probably lost it, and Dirk will never forgive me.”

_Mrrr_ , Jaws trilled, which was her standard response to anything out of Todd’s mouth.

“Yeah, okay,” Todd sighed, offloading her on his desk once they’d reached it. “Thought not.”

Jaws hopped off the desk and trotted off to find her favorite toy while Todd went about the unenviable task of rummaging through drawers. He didn’t _think_ the object of his search was upstairs; otherwise, he would’ve known exactly where to look.

Ten minutes and a triple-checked search later, Todd was still empty handed when Jaws scampered back with a jingly fish plushie in her mouth. She set it on Todd’s bare foot.

“Fetch,” Todd sighed, tossing it so hard that it skidded beneath the sofa. He’d check Dirk’s desk next, although he couldn’t imagine why his prize would’ve ended up there.

Jaws followed him from Dirk’s desk to the kitchenette, mewling her discontent over the lost toy.

“I’ll get it in the morning,” Todd told her, aggravated, opening the junk drawer. “This is urgent.”

Leaping onto the counter as Todd illuminated the bulb again, Jaws fished in the drawer with one prim, precise paw. She snagged on some black acrylic cord, drawing it up to her mouth for thorough gnawing. Todd’s heart stopped, grabbing what trailed on the end of it.

“You little smart-ass,” Todd hissed, tugging it away from the indignant cat. “Give me that!”

Jaws licked her paw like the know-it-all she had grown up to be. She definitely took after Dirk.

“I put them there for safekeeping,” Mona whispered from the shadows, giving Todd a heart-attack. “When I unpacked for you, remember?”

“I am remembering a lot right now,” Todd agreed, his pulse already ratcheting back down.

Mona touched the burnt-out cylinders in Todd’s palm, purple and then blue. “They don’t last.”

Todd set the ever-bulb down beside Jaws, not even caring if she decided to play with it. Plunged in darkness, the kitchenette might have been any liminal space they’d occupied since the start.

“Not long ago, you said maybe you could help me,” he faltered, pressing the token into her hand.

Mona’s eyes flickered and glowed, eerie as her smile. She hadn’t returned from Wendimoor unchanged; none of them had. She closed the sticks between her palm and Todd’s.

“What is it you want from me?” she countered, and Todd’s hand erupted in searing agony.

“I don’t know if you can do it, if—if it’s only an illusion,” Todd pleaded. “What you did the other night, I mean when we were talking—you triggered something like the fire I hallucinate, only it was isolated in my hands, _contained_ —

“Let this be my wedding gift,” Mona said. She withdrew her hand, wrenching the sticks away from Todd, the separation of their flesh a supernova in miniature. She hit the floor with a _thump_.

The glow sticks rolled to a stop next to the inevitable stress doll, once more vibrantly alight.

Todd flexed his hand and bent to pick them up, disbelieving. He’d had an inkling that maybe she could ignite what remained inside, hoped that somehow she might be able to capture…

Jaws hopped down off the counter and rubbed against Todd’s legs, trying to bat the glow sticks out of Todd’s grasp as he slipped the acrylic cord around his neck. She butted his hand.

“Go to sleep,” Todd told her, rising, pointing to the seldom-used pet bed next to her food dishes.

Jaws sauntered away and crunched on what was left of the dry food Dirk had given her earlier.

“Close enough,” Todd said, snatching the ever-bulb and fleeing before she decided to follow.

The hallway was no chore to navigate, not awash in Todd’s bizarre assemblage of luminescence.

Dirk sat up with a gasp when Todd re-entered the room, covers clutched to his chest, eyes wide.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said uncertainly as Todd set the bulb aside and climbed back into bed. “Run down to the corner shop or wherever and get some new ones.”

Todd detected the faint disappointment in Dirk’s tone without difficulty, and it was wrenching.

“These aren’t new ones,” he said, bringing Dirk’s hand to his chest, closing it around the token.

Dirk exhaled in amazement at the faint, radiant warmth the sticks gave off, his gaze questioning.

“You kept them,” he said softly, ecstatic. “You kept them, _how_ —did Mona do this?”

“Now they won’t go out,” Todd said, pulling Dirk down, flipping the covers over their heads.

Catching secondhand radiance, Dirk’s eyes glowed as eerily as Mona’s, but they were loving.

“She would do this, you know, after what I told her,” Dirk laughed, swallowing tears as Todd’s hand joined his. “My light.”


End file.
